It frustrates me whenever I dream of myself being weak and helpless. I cross roads and get stuck in the middle because my legs just wouldn't budge. I try to punch someone in self-defense but my arms always end up all jelly and fail me.
Then couple of weeks ago, I had the most bizzarre dream. I don't normally remember my dreams, but when I do, they normally are nightmares. So in this dream, I was waiting at a secluded busstop in broad daylight for my bus to arrve. I was of course, all alone. Soon after, an old cadillac drove up the winding road, stopped just before the busstop, and a big African American man steps out. Well having had bad encounters with them at busstops in Los Angeles, I became paranoid in the dream too. So I hugged my bag tight and stared hard at the man. He walks pass me, without looking me in the eye, approaches this alter just five feet away from where I was standing, and started praying to the Chinese deity.
At this point, I was like "What the hell is going on?". Yea, I know, even my dream self was confused with this crazily bizzarre scenario.
He goes away, back to his car, and I was feeling all uncomfortable seeing this weird black man in sunnies and a cadillac, praying at an alter in the middle of nowhere right? And so I decided to run up to the front door of a nearby home, just in case I needed help. From where I stood, I could still see the man's every move at the busstop. Eventually, as I've feared, he came toward me.
I've had it all planned out in my head - if he does anything to me I'll scream and ring the doorbell like there was no tomorrow. Not quite sure if that was a splendid plan since he did not seem at all afraid when he took the steps and met me at the front door. I could hear voices and dinner plates clattering through the door and felt a little relieved. Well you wouldn't want to be standing in front of an empty house in such a dire circumstance, would you?! As I raised my hands to the doorbell, he whipped out a huge screwdriver and drove it through my bag in an attempt to stab me. It all happened so quickly, I ended up pretending that the screwdriver got to me so he would release his grip.
And that was when I woke up, 4 a.m., heart racing like I've actually been shot.
So now, here's the question: Why do we feel weak in dreams, like we can't escape, move, scream or fight back? I did a little research, and here's what I found.
I don't know how true these are, but they seem to apply to me in some way. When you dream of yourself caught in these situations, it normally means:
(1) You are facing some sort of existential dilemma, like how you may be struggling with some decisions in your life in reality, or
(2) You feel that you're inadequate and lacking of something in real life, perhaps you have low self-esteem, or
(3) You feel powerless towards something in the dream because in reality there is something you can't change and you feel frustrated about it, or
(4) You're just stressed.
So ultimately, I guess the best way to combat these worries is to learn to let go, and appreciate who you are as a person. If you find that hard to do on your own, I think it'd help to circle yourself with a group of good friends, friends who are truly supportive of you.
Well in my case, writing an entry like this is a way of soothing my mind. I would say that an issue to do with your mind, a mental barrier, isn't easy to overcome. But just know that not everything is within your control and not all things are yours to blame.
Have a superb weekend ♥
x.
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